What authentic people do differently than the rest of us, and how you can too
We tend to value “genuine” people and think poorly of those whom we perceive as being “fake”—but why is that? After all, what motivates “fakeness” is an effort to appear more appealing or impressive, so shouldn’t we find people who care about our opinions more appealing than those who, by definition, do their own thing regardless of what we think?
Well, no, we shouldn’t—and for three basic reasons:
Genuine people speak their mind.
This is actually a two-step habit. Genuine people take time to figure out their own opinions and perspectives about things, and they are not shy about sharing their thought-out opinions with others. The manner in which they share their opinions also matters: Genuine people are comfortable presenting their ideas without expecting or needing to convince others they are right. One thing that helps them get in touch with their true opinions and perspectives is…
Genuine people respond to internal expectations, not external ones.
Genuine people spend time thinking about and exploring their own beliefs, ideals, standards, and expectations because they rely on the answers to these questions to give them direction and purpose in life. Of course, identifying your own ideas and beliefs is not necessarily easy, since they can easily conflict with the beliefs and standards of the families, communities, and cultures in which you were raised. Indeed, being authentic is often associated with being brave because you’re then likely to do the following…
Genuine people forge their own paths.
Being authentic is not just about what you think or say but what you do and how you are in the world. Being guided by an internal compass means not having to follow the conventional or typical routes others take to achieve their goals. Therefore, genuine people search for and discover their own unique way of pursuing their passions and purpose, often forging an entirely new path as they do. The risk of forging a new and unproven path is that not all your efforts will be successful. However…
Genuine people are not threatened by failure.
The reason most people follow conventional routes is they are supposedly “proven” and “safer,” and therefore more likely to yield success. On the other hand, taking the road less (or never) traveled is risky and can lead to failure. Yet, genuine people do so because they are not threatened by the idea of failing. In fact, they view failure as an integral part of their journey, a source of learning, and an enriching experience from which they can grow. Because they find failures instructive rather than threatening…
Genuine people can admit their faults.To be true to your feelings and opinions you must first be honest with yourself about your thoughts, beliefs, and behavior—which means confronting the bad along with the good. As such, genuine people are likely to recognize their faults and shortcomings, to accept them, and to take responsibility for their actions as a result. Indeed, their general ability to own their faults, mistakes, and failures extends beyond how they see themselves such that…
Genuine people are not judgmental of others.Being honest about their own faults and embracing individuality and differences leads genuine people to be less judgmental and more accepting of the people around them. Their fundamental assumptions about human complexity and their reluctance to view people via the lens of bias or preconceived expectations allows them a purer perspective that usually leads to direct and honest interactions and relationships. And all of the habits listed above stem from one core psychological characteristic of genuine people…
Genuine people have solid self-esteem.Having solid self-esteem means having stable self-esteem that is neither too high nor too low. (Narcissists, for example, have high but brittle self-esteem.) As a result, genuine people can tolerate and absorb failure and criticism, admit their faults, and be accepting of others because they are not threatened by imperfection. Indeed, having solid self-esteem means, by definition, that you can absorb both negative and positive feedback and acknowledge aspects of your character that might need work or improvement without diminishing your overall sense of self-worth.
For scientifically proven ways to manage failure and enhance self-esteem check out Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure and Other Everyday Hurts (Plume, 2014).
Written By Guy Winch PhD.
Originally published on Psychology Today
Copyright 2015 Guy Winch
I was told once by a psychic counselor that the psychic business is pretty cut throat. The competition can sometimes make the best, most ethically-sound intuitives deviate from their path.
At the time I had been doing heavy research into psychic ability–trying to figure out the source of the information psychics were receiving–I realized later on that I was also doing research into the ethics and practices of psychics in our community. This is where I stumbled upon “psychic jealousy”–a very real and potentially damaging concept.
What Is Psychic Jealousy?
Psychic jealousy manifests itself when a psychic, for whatever reason, picks up on the energy of another psychic and seeks to prevent that psychic from developing. Psychic jealousy is not always an intentional feeling and is, in fact, a defense mechanism–especially when the psychic reader senses an energy stronger than that which they possess.
In my life, I have met a few psychics who had psychic jealousy. They were good, well-intentioned people; however, their jealousy got in the way of their readings.
How Do I Know If My Psychic Is Jealous?
There are a few warning signs that you are dealing with Psychic Jealousy from your reader.
1. The reader does not mention your psychic abilities. This does not always happen and some good, ethical psychics do not always mention psychic ability because they may feel it is irrelevant or inappropriate for the questions asked.
2. Their reading is vague, where testimonials do not consistantly reflect this. Again, this may also be due to not having a great connection to your psychic reader.
3. Specifically, if you are asking about psychic development and they suggest “questonable methods” of development. For example, I remember asking a psychic if I would ever start my own business as a tarot reader. She suggested I read books on the subject despite me reporting that I had been using tarot and had a pretty high accuracy rate to begin with. She also suggested I go into a back room of another business I could start and practice my readings. It was almost as if she wasn’t listening to me.
4. If you have visited several psychics before, and they have all told you the same thing and this particular psychic tells you the opposite, it may be due to psychic jealousy. It could also be due to the psychic having a bad day or, again, that you do not have a good connection with your psychic reader. It is not always necessary to visit “several psychics in order to get the information you need to improve your life; but if a trusted and reputatble psychic who is not jealous gives you information and you go to a psychic who may have issues, it’s better to trust your gut.
5. They suggest repeatedly that you have negative energy around you. I have found that when some psychics do this, they may be playing on your free will and they may use your free will against you to protect themselves and their livelihoods from you. Once, a psychic said there was negative energy around myself and that I needed to suround myself in white light. Oddly enough, I didn’t feel this negative energy until she had mentioned it. Well, when I did this, I saw myself being bound with white ribbons. If allowed to “bind myself”, I figured her motive would be that she would be free from blame, at the same time, protecting herself.
How Do I Deal With Psychic Jealousy?
The first thing you need to do when dealing with psychic jealousy is to trust yourself and your instincts. If something doesn’t seem quite right about the reader, trust yourself enough to recognize it. If the reader is making you feel uncomfortable, end the reading immediately. You do not need to explain why you are ending the reading. If you have gone too far and they have either given you a negative reading or tried to perform some sort of binding work on you under the guise of “spiritual counseling”, first, you need to understand the workings of Spirit and your spirit guides. They are there to protect you. Believe that they can help you and protect you from harm. Next, you need to understand free will. You are often exposed to negative elements because your own choices got you to that point. Your own choices can also undo negativity. If you are feeling bound, call upon your inner strength and your spirit guides to break through the feeling of being “bound”. If they gave you a negative reading–especially if it contradicts the readings of others, the best way to deal with it is to take it with a grain of salt and chaulk it up to them simply being wrong.